Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
