the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
