yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
