every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
