During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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