at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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