I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We are two peas in an std pod
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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