It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
