I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
