When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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