We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
