Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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