That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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