I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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