So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
