i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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