Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
