tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
