She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
