So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
