you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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