We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They took my balls.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
