I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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