Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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