i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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