Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
