You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
