Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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