Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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