discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
