He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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