i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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