What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
