I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize