Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
