Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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