My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't deserve a penis
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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