We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
