This is not my ceiling
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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