I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
