i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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