Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
