ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
