'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
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So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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