He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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