I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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