i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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