Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
