Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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