Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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