people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
