It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
