If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
