i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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