Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
