My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
