my mouth tastes like poor choices
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
