can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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