All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
