I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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