My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
