just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
