I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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