is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
