you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
