Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
