hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
