Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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