I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
