tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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