Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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