If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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