Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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