you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
