Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
