why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My ass is underappreciated
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
