i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
