And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
