i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
